Can You Make Your Spouse Work Out?
On This Stupendous Marriage Podcast, a Listener asks Stu and Lisa: "Can I make my wife work out?"
On This Stupendous Marriage Podcast, a Listener asks Stu and Lisa:
"Can I make my wife work out?"
What would you say to him?
Send us Your VOICEMAIL Question when you click here.
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Transcript
Hey there welcome to the Stupendous
Marriage podcast with Stu and Lisa Gray
let's get right to our email today
it's from Kimothy
you can send us your email it's really easy to do you can go to
stupendous marriage.com slash contact or
when you go to stupendous marriage.com
look for the tab that says send us your
question or comment and you can send us
a voicemail
Kimothy started out his
email this way:
I'm enjoying your podcast
recently discovered your show trying to
listen to them all quick question I like
to work out and my wife doesn't how do I
get my wife to work out I've tried to
talk to her but the combo always goes
bad to the point where I don't even
bring it up how can I approach this
subject tactfully and respectfully
Kimothy, well when I first saw this email
kind of some words stuck out to me how
can I get my wife to work out and that
and I seriously was just like in my head
going buddy you can't get her to do
anything I mean you know and I know that
may not be what his heart
via email but you know oftentimes we we
may mean that you know what I mean that
we're trying to get our spouse to do
more housework we're trying to get them
to do this you know what I mean and it's
like you can't really get them or make
them do anything yeah the manipulation
factor is is a problem I mean trying to
get your spouse to do something you want
them to do never works which is a good
thing that he wants her to do oh sure
you know he wants her to work out which
is great that he cares about her and
that kind of stuff just maybe you know
making sure that it's coming from the
right place and realizing again we can
only work on ourselves right and that
was our response I'll read we said um
well you probably can at least for a
while since it's become a touchy subject
she will only work out when it comes
important to her and that is not
something that you can make happen even
if she agrees to work out with you it is
probably only temporary since she
doesn't really want to do it for herself
what you can do is enjoy it for yourself
when we focus on doing what we want to
do for ourselves instead of for our
spouse or what they do then we often can
Inspire them to want to focus on things
to better themselves as well to be
perfectly honest this is an argument and
a conversation we've had in our house
because it is because you are you know
you want to be more healthy and you've
given me grief about not wanting to work
out and you've laid off you've done what
you said and you've made it and it's
just not been a priority to me it just
has it and I don't know if it ever will
be I've tried and I've gone a couple
times but it really is true you can't
make me do anything it has to be from me
and I've got to reframe it in my head
and make it I mean I don't know it's got
to be important to me so there's nothing
you can do right that will make me want
to do it with his situation there's
nothing that he can do to make her want
to do it reframing it in and bringing it
up in the conversation concern for
health concern for what are the benefits
you're getting from it what is positive
in your life because of it sharing those
instead of pushing sharing the positives
that that might come or Inspire her to
want to do more well and I think sharing
those with the right heart yeah sharing
those not to try to manipulate or
persuade but just as a testimony of how
you really feel and I I really do
believe that prayer is so important
there again the only person that can
change her is her and God right so
praying to God and saying okay Lord I am
worried my heart is I'm worried about
our health or this is something I would
love to share with her and really just
praying to God to change her heart is
all he can do without it especially
because it's become touchy yeah being a
problem
the word workout also can be vague what
kind of workout are you doing are you
talking about going and doing like crazy
nutty workout stuff I mean are you
kicking butt and taking names and
expecting your wife to do all that honey
what would be a crazy workout for you
anything
um
you're going yeah if you want me to walk
around the block lady you'll be like no
but that's if it was if it's low impact
if you just want to walk around the
block well maybe she'll do that yeah
well that's a start you know find
something you guys might enjoy together
right you like to run I'm not a runner
it hurts my knees you know I'm not a big
swimmer swimming's fine but I don't want
to do it to exercise you know I'll go in
the summer I don't want to go do Zumba
or any of your little class things
because I'd be the only man in there oh
there are men that take those classes
but finding the thing that might be
interesting to her too might be
something if you can find a common
something yeah well and I think talking
about it in a non-confrontational time
yeah really taking the temperature of
the room and going okay she's in a good
mood we're connecting well well in maybe
coming at it in the conversation a
different way going hey honey I just
really love to work out and I really
love you and love to spend time with you
so you may not want to come do my
workout but would you want to maybe do
something else maybe we could take dance
lessons together maybe we can do
something else to be doing something
active like I like to but that we could
do together and you might be surprised
if you go to her in that approach how
differently she sees it then right now
where it might just feel like pressure
right always asking questions you know
why are you resistant or maybe what are
your thoughts on working out or what are
your thoughts on health having those
conversations before you start pushing I
think that would really be good anyway
Timothy we really appreciate the email
you can send us your email very easy to
do stupendous marriage.com slash contact
or send us a voicemail look for the tab
on the side of the page that says send
us your question or comment something we
said today or you've got your own
question about your own marriage or if
you want to help me to help Stu to get
motivated as well there you go thank you
appreciate it thanks for coming by and
hanging out with us this week - see ya
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