Hey - It's Lisa here!.. I want to say thanks for reading Stupendous Marriage.
I read through our posts here and often help edit or add a wife’s point of view, but for the
first time, I thought I would post something from me!
Looking over the stats from Stupendous Marriage, I noticed one post in particular that gains the
most interest from readers: 5 Reasons Why I Should Initiate Sex With My Wife.
When Stu wrote that post, it was from his point of view why he doesn’t initiate sex more often.
Yet, when I see how many emails and questions he gets from husbands about how to get their wives to initiate sex more often, I thought I should post something specifically for wives.
Why Don’t Wives Initiate Sex?
As women, why don’t we initiate or want sex more?
I know the stereo-typical excuses of "I have a headache", "I’m tired" or "I have to get up early" and I agree that sometimes these reasons are valid... but maybe there's a bigger issue to think about.
Sex is Not an Obligation, It’s Connection
Sex is not about filling an obligation - "If I give him sex tonight, then I'll have a couple days
where he's not bugging me."
You may not look at sex that way (consciously), but I believe some wives do.
So, Let me ask you this: What is one of the purposes of sex in your marriage? Is it wanting to physically and emotionally connect with your husband?
Or, filling his needs the way you want him to fill your needs?
I believe that God gave us sex as a gift, an essential and incredible part of the journey of marriage. Yet, I don’t think I realized how sex is so important to my husbands emotional connection to me.
It's not just the physical activity he desires, but the emotional connection it can give both of us through the act of sex.
As women, we tend to feel loved when we are connected through communication - that's why we talk more than men!
Men don’t work like that.
They feel loved when we show them respect and desire to share ourselves with them...
not just our minds, but also our bodies.
They need us to desire them in every area of our lives, not just to share our emotions with them, but to share our beings with them. If your husband loves you, chances are he wants you sexually more times in a day than you can imagine.
For every time you think about the stuff you have to do in a day (clean house, feed dog, pick up kids, etc.) he’s probably thinking about having sex with you!
Photo by Vlada Karpovich
Attention is Different for Men
What we can give our husbands, is the thing we want them to give us... ATTENTION!
It just looks different.
The Attention We Need looks like: listening to us share our stories, helping with the kids and house,
running errands, being romantic.
The Attention He Needs looks like: making him a priority, listening to him, being intimate with him
physically and mentally.
How different would our marriages be if we really gave our husbands our physical attention, not out of obligation, but out of a desire to want to have the best marriage we can?
This is one of the many things we can think about when it comes to sex with our husbands. I hope it challenges you to give your husband the attention that he wants (and needs)!
Speak Up Ladies!
What do you think when I say "When you connect with him physically, you connect with
him emotionally"?
Where Do I Even Start to Work on my Marriage?
